Have you lived...

suddenly out of the blue, something struck me real bad. a desire to show everyone how bad i can hit them. how, if i want to, i can change their beliefs, their thoughts or their definitions of right and wrong. so when i read "someone's" ideologies in life, which i don't know have stemmed from where- experience or belief or assumption i want to show her what it means. to have ideologies. i hope she reads this some day and thinks of herself. thinks of how, she breathlessly limped through that phase. how she struggled in vain and just how desperate she had been. how she just wanted to erase from her mind the events that happened. how she felt cheated and completely used.

for you this my dear i want to say, you deserve it. whatever you went through. cause you showed the world you were strong. you were strong enough to love and that in itself is an answer.
you let urself get washed in the big wave. but probably you thought you could tide over it. thats where you went wrong. you went wrong cause you believed whatever you faced on one side was the same story in the other. the world is made of different stories and looking at it from your small closed world is always innocence. you couldn't stop that wave, it overpowered you. and yet you couldn't take your revenge on it. you couldn't stop it. but do you remeber the excitement of getting drenched in that single wave? do you remember that momentary feeling of glee, of happiness? do you still think about how cold you had felt after that? and how nice? that is what you need to remember dear. not anything else. that wave showed you what life was and how helpless you could be in the reality of circumstances. but now it also shows that you can forget the wave, with slight bitterness. the bitterness remains cause when the better things come you will be enlightened. do not form conclusions or ideologies. cause they are limited to just a situation. your situation and in that case you're controlled more by emotion rather than logic. so i dont agree with notions that say you loved too much or you cared too much but didn't get it enough. you did that cause you wanted to do, cause it gave you pleasure, it gave you all that happiness. so why expect the same things in return? you felt trapped cause you assumed, expected and put yourself above everything. and as for the wave, dont find fault with it. it only gave you what you wanted.