Has it Changed?

Sometimes you believe that you know exactly what is happening. Thats what lands you in trouble. This self righteousness in most people, not only when it is concerning themselves but others as well is rather annoying. Perception obviously differs based on experience and the basic nature of a person. There was once a girl who told me she considers me her best friend when I didn't know her second name, not that it was a measure of being close. I felt sad than surprised at her understanding of friendship. But there have also been situations when I have considered myself close to people, who seemed to fall short of respecting that. It is almost always more complicated.

There are times when you know exactly what is happening but you want to push it away; to prove a point, to overcome the possibility of change, to stick to an identity based on your subjective understanding...? Maybe these factors are terrifying. In the process you are simply living in denial, hurting the genuineness of the others involved. It is a selfish act I suppose, but for me personally that is the most pardonable quality of any human. I have seen implausibly selfless people lose their sense of self esteem and self worth for constantly seeing themselves in the eyes of others. I doubt if there really exists a balance or an equality that most see as perfection. I don't think human beings are tuned to rationality. I cannot think of one close relationship that has not been through its shares of ups and downs. Closeness gives you comfort but it also creates a certain vulnerability, which is why some people are repelled with fear by the idea of being close to someone. You are opening yourself to hurt, criticism, agony and millions of questions you can't find answers to. It is quite terrifying but the idea of running away is just as cowardly.

Doesn't experience advocate for betterment,though? With experience I have learnt to ignore this side of people, thats well shielded from exposure. They have that freedom and you need to respect it. But I do wish that I didn't have to make an effort and that everything could take its natural course. Yes, perfection is a myth and ignorance is bliss!