crappology.

these are random bits and pieces of writing that i do during excruciatingly boring classes. fragmented and unconnected, dont try to make sense of them! oh no i am not trying to go the eliot way!

as the sun rises over the lowly banks
a bird song reaches miles of lands
i hear it, through day and night
a melancholic sweetness pouring consciousness
over a wistful soul.

dreams can only live as long as u sleep....snore on!

blue turtles, yellow whales and red gypsies;
they go round and round like teasing memories
belly dancing, hips shaking and eyes winking
at me
like they were mocking picking and clicking
their tongues
over my deplorable plight.

in this cocoon i sit
wounding and wounding in
an invisible shell
the head that comes out to see
you
happy and gay it moves left
and it moves right.
the cocoon dances
swaying itself from left to right!

i think u know all humans....they r selfish. i mean everyone. but sometimes we do brand people selfless. really now.. how?! oh ya ya, these are the clever ones. super people i says. the shrewdness with which they put things across, u wouldnt suspect a thing. but thats even worse than being selfish aint it?!? tell me about it!

like i will tell u how. very supposedly smart people ok. they will come and share everything with u. full open heart only. and they will also tell u that u are the onlyy one and only only person they ever shared things with(after the cats, dogs,buffalos, hens, cows) see target will hit only once no? but they will try with everyone. and then u could also be dumb enough to fall for it! u will! i did! everyone does. then sometime later u will realise! oh what a fool. and u know the best thing you could do is to not do that to anyone else. otherwise what is the whole point of realising only?? ya forget the parts where u sang praises about them with a trumpet and early morning cock a doodle do sounds.

now u must be wondering what has this got to do with being selfish? it totally has! see they want sympathy, support and doll in self pity. now i am gonna say something thats gonna rouse ur fury! u were an easy target! ya we all were at times. and sometimes we were doers too. but mostly by fault, in vain, in stupidity. now thats one kind of selfishness where there is seeking all attention through this inverted method. not clear? keep thinking about it and the brain shall enlighten thee!

the other kind are a little better. they will just plainly admit it and not try godly antics. shit i love u people ya. see u want something means u want it. say it on the persons face. why use shortcuts and u turns and gallis?? if u are scared that the person will judge you then he isnt even important enough to be told anything. doesnt deserve it. so say it. say it bloody hell. dont try to make urself a superhuman ... you are doin it at the other's cost.

and you're only getting a temporary high cause eventually they will realise.. and no one will be a bigger dumb ass :) sorry for the baaady lang. i hope its clear now.

tatan!

along with the idea of romantic love, she was introduced to another-physical beauty. probably the most estructive ideas in the history of human thought. both originated in envy, thrived in insecurity, and ended in disillusion. in equating physical beauty with virtue, she stripped her mind, bound it, and collected self-contempt by the heap. she forgot lust and simple caring for. she regarded love as possessive mating, and romance as the goal of the spirit. it would be for her a well spring from which she would draw the most destructive emotions, deceiving the lover and seeking to imprison the beloved, curtailing freedom in every way.

toni morrisson
THE BLUEST EYE

i dont know why i am writing this. or why, right now, i have to write this. it is totally random with absolutely no relevance to the situation. and having said all this, i am just justifying what i am going to write. and yes, it is a weakness.

this is for the two of you, the two who i love equally or perhaps so i'd like to think.

you are like the man straight out of my precise calculations. perfectly articulated and delivered like a flawless painting by god. and i bought it. enjoyed it. cherished the beauty. the perfectness. what else was left to fall in place? the realisation.

the bloody realisation that it was not right. that the perfection was the greatest imperfection.

and then u came. in the midst of all the turmoil, the pain and the grief. you felt god sent too. full of imperfections and completely human. sinful, confused and still a joy. an unexplainable, indescribably happiness of your sheer existance with no expectation. u said what u had to. more importantly u said what i wanted to hear. at most times. i wouldn't criticise you, question or doubt you. ever. acceptance of what you are comes easily; the shortcomings, the negatives i thought i could never accept in a person. you are all that and much more.

your memory is enough...

Its called the devil's possession.

She thought she was growing up, but now she was questioning it. She was facing it, facing those situations that had oft been part of her adoloscent dreams, those dreams that seemed like a distant reality. It was finally there now, right before her. Everyday they were staring at her, hard and strong. Everybody said "this is life". How could something as personal as life be generalised? No one had the right to define it, let alone advice her.

What she did, how she did, the way she expressed was her own individual choice. If she felt jealous, it didn't mean she had to grow up. If she felt possessive, it was her nature. Aren't people made different? If she wants to kill she will, if she wants to ruin, she will... If she wants to have her way she will.

Who can afterall define right and wrong? A million times, each time there is no conclusion, no answer, and more questions.

i cant remember the last time i felt about something deeply, deep enough to affect me, deep enough to write. somehow i think i have lost the extremities of my emotions. or, now perhaps my confidants are different. it is indeed ironical that most recently i have seen, felt more than i ever have. i have lived someone else's life. this someone is a stranger, relative to me.

the greatest battles fought were the one's in my own mind. the external fctors...i've realised..have been rather trivial. but the feeling of helplessness there cannot be underrated... but the very fact that i have not written shows that i was happy..content. cause i have got everything i wanted in the last few months. and im waiting for some change to take over. maybe...just maybe....

it is surprising how a tune induces emotions in you. it reminds of things you want to forget, memories you want to erase and the realities you want to ignore. but it reminds you. ironical, very. it makes you open the curtains and look out of the window, scarce sunlight falling on your face. it makes you want to talk to someone you havent in a really long time.
sometimes it makes you forget everything. when times are low, and when everything is a nightmare it transports you into shores of a different world.

perhaps music has the greatest impact on the human mind, if you're willing to let it.